Debt can be an overwhelming black cloud hanging over you and your relationship. It causes tension and stress in your life more than you even realize. It's a constant thought in the back of your mind, "How are we going to make all these payments?"
Your path to debt freedom starts with just one step. That first step of making the decision to start.
But if you're married, you can't make that decision alone. Getting on the same page with your finances is essential. So before you take that first step, you need to communicate and make that decision together.
In this post, I'll talk about how to get on the same page with your spouse, give you some practical steps to take, and share a real life success story.
The Power of a Shared Vision
Finance is never just about the numbers. Money affects every part of our lives both positively and negatively. It will affect your relationship too if you let it. It is up to you to take control of your money so it doesn't affect your marriage in a negative way.
Your debt is not about the numbers either. It is a relationship challenge. Getting rid of debt for good involves a shared vision and a plan. Aligning your goals will strengthen both your finances and your marriage. When you approach your debt as a team, you are unstoppable.
Often there are obstacles to get over before you are able to align completely. Often one of you is more motivated than the other. You may have different money tendencies, like one is a saver and one is a spender. Sometimes past money mistakes cause resentment in your relationship. All of these things are common and can be overcome. You can still get on the same page with your goals and work together.
Begin by setting aside time to talk. Go on a "money date". Think about your future and what you want your life together to look like. What is your why? How will getting out of debt get you to that life? Write down some of your shared goals and break them down into smaller goals. Revisit these goals often to help you stay motivated.
I have put together a detailed guide on how to have a successful money date. Download the free guide here!
Practical First Steps to Debt Freedom
After you've made one or two clear goals together, it's time to take some practical steps.
Step 1: Take inventory of your finances. List all your debts, including balances, interest rates, and minimum payments. List all your account balances. You need to know exactly
how much money is available now. Make a list of all your monthly expenses. Include absolutey everything. This will help you make cuts if needed and build a solid budget.
Be transparent. There are no secrets in your marriage. Be open and honest about anything. Refrain from judgement and resentment. This step isn't easy, but it is important.
Step 2: Create a detailed budget. Following a budget is the most essential part of your financial success. Set up a detailed budget together. This is something you should do monthly. I recommend using the EveryDollar budgeting app.
Be sure to track every transaction in your budget throughout the month. This should be a daily practice for both of you. Doing this will make it very clear where your money is going. Your budget puts you in control.
Step 3: Build a debt payoff plan. Having a plan for your debt is important. You need to plan where your extra money is going before it even hits your account. With this plan, you will know exactly what you are paying first. I recommend using the Debt Snowball method. This method is the best way to keep your momentum and motivation throughout your journey.
Step 4: Establish a system for accountability. Set up weekly check-ins to track your progress and discuss any changes that need to be made. A financial coach is a great option to help hold you accountable while you focus on making big changes to your habits.
A Couple Who Took The First Step
I worked with a couple who decided to take this first step. They made the decision together that they were done with debt. They were done with the stress and anxiety. They were done with feeling trapped by all the payments. They were done living paycheck to paycheck.
To keep their anonymity, I won't use their real names. Let's call them Sam and Brad. These two could not be more different in personality. Brad had a very analytical brain, loved spreadsheets, and had severe anxiety because of the financial strain. Sam had a creative mind and didn't feel the pressure of the finances in the same way that Brad did. She had the mindset that everything would work out, but Brad couldn't handle the unknown of how or if things would work out.
Even though these two were so different, they came together and decided something had to change. They came to me to give them direction so they could align on their goals and build a plan they could each follow. I was blown away with how well Brad and Sam communicated through this journey. They disagreed often, but they did an amazing job talking through things and compromising if needed. They would often laugh at how different they approached finances. They kept things fun but also understood that it would take real work to make these changes.
Throughout their coaching with me, Brad and Sam learned to work together in an incredible way. Brad learned how to take control with the budget but also be a little more relaxed about things because they could talk through their struggles. Sam learned that being aware of their spending and making a plan for their money made a huge difference in the progress they made toward their goals. She also saw how Brad's anxiety eased. Because of all of this, they were able to pay off over $20,000 in just 5 months.
Brad and Sam made incredible progress in such a short amount of time because they made the decision and aligned on their goal. They worked together every step of the way and didn't hesitate to put in the work and dedication needed. They are not out of debt yet, but I am confident they will stay the course and continue working together until they accomplish their final goal.
Overcoming Roadblocks
There are many common roadblocks couples run into on their financial journey. Here are a few that I hear with my clients:
"My spouse isn't on board." It is essential that you are both on board for these changes. If one of you is trying to cut spending or pay off debt, but the other is continuing bad spending habits, you won't see progress. Start off with a conversation. Share your vision of a debt free future without pressuring them. Lead with the dream and with understanding of their position. Avoid judgement and criticism.
"We don't make enough money to pay off debt." This is common in the beginning. How in the world do you find extra money to put towards debt when you are living paycheckk to paycheck? Focus on what you can do, not what you can't. Mindset is extremely important in this situation. There are a lot of small changes you can make that will make a big difference in the long run. Such as, getting a second job or a side gig to bring in more income, cutting unnecessary expenses, etc.
"We keep falling back into old habits." Habits are extremely difficult to change, especially when emotions are involved, as is common with money. Make sure you build accountability into your plan. Set up regular money check-ins and visual progress trackers that can help keep you motivated. Find a coach or a financial community who can support you through these changes. A coach can not only act as your accountability, but also guide you with advice and ideas to help keep you on track.
It may sound foreign and intimidating, but debt freedom is absolutely possible for you. It starts with a single step -- making the decision together.
Take action today by simply sitting down together and talking about your future. Write down some dreams you have for your family, and decide today that you are going to make changes.
Need some help getting started? Book a free Discovery Session to see if financial coaching is a good fit for you.
“Your future debt-free life starts with one decision today. Are you ready to take that step together?”
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